MONDAY
MORNING
BRIEFS
Monday Morning Briefs
- Urban observations by LA writer Diana Stoneberg
MONDAY MORNING BRIEFS
USA
DIRECT FROM DIANA, LOS ANGELES USA
COFFEESHOP # 1 THE SPECIAL INCLUDED THE EGG ON THE FORK AND THE LIPSTICK STAINED COFFEECUP. THE FOOTPRINT ON THE NAPKIN WAS FREE. And by all means hold the mayo. GUMBALL BULLY ON ROAD TRIPS HIS FATHER WOULD DOLE OUT JUST ONE CHICKLET AT A TIME. Sticks of gum were sliced and quartered. FABRICALLY YOURS HE GREW UP ON PLASTIC COVERED FURNITURE AND PLASTIC RUNNERS. AT 18 HE FINALLY TOUCHED CARPET WHEN HE WAS MAN ENOUGH TO HANDLE PILE. This was during the pre-shag era. DENTAL DAMNATION HIS SMILE WAS A MOSAIC OF COLORED PARTICLES OF FOOD LODGED BETWEEN WAYWARD CALCIUM DEPOSITS. Luckily he was not wearing braces. WHISKER HER BLEACHED MOUSTACHE GLIMMERED IN THE OVERHEAD LIGHT AS SHE REACHED FOR THE OFF SWITCH. Blanche's cousin. HY-GENE HE CARRIED A CAN OF LYSOL TO SPRAY ANYTHING AND ANYONE WHO CAME BETWEEN HIM AND HIS IDEA OF FRESH. SSsssssssssss. NO SMILING SHE WAS TRYING TO SAVE HER FACE FROM WRINKLING BY MOVING IT AS LITTLE AS POSSIBLE. And to cut down on future plastic surgery costs. YOU CAN'T HAVE MY STATS WHEN ASKED BY A CLERK FOR HIS PHONE NUMBER AFTER MAKING A $2.00 PURCHASE HE REPLIED, "I DON'T HAVE A PHONE." Dial "M" for just try and "Make Me." ON DISPLAY SHE WAS NEARING 50, WITH A NEWLY ACQUIRED TRIBAL BODY TATTOO AND SPORTING A FLUORESCENT PINK MINI SKIRT. And in search of a talk show. BEAT IT HE HAD HAD SEVERAL HEART ATTACKS AND EXPLAINED TO HIS SON THAT THE REASON HE RARELY GOT OUT OF HIS LAZY BOY RECLINER WAS TO SAVE HIS HEART BEATS. It was also a reason to continue demanding that his son do things like make him a sandwich or turn the TV channel. PERRIERED DOWN THEY WERE AMERICAN YUPPIES WHO DESPISED THE MIDDLE CLASS. THEY MOVED TO PARIS WHERE THEY WERE THE MIDDLE CLASS. Suddenly generic bottled water tasted really good. TRAFFIC COURT # 1 SHE HELD UP HER NINE WEEK OLD BABY AS EVIDENCE FOR THE REASON SHE RAN THE RED LIGHT. Her six year old was waiting in the back ground for the next moving violation.
MONDAY MORNING BRIEFS
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